They Speak in Silence
by nextuesday
Summary: Olivia's thoughts on "Fault"... what should have happened in "Fat", and what should have happened before "Philadelphia".


**THEY SPEAK IN SILENCE**

The day sucked. First the bus station – there was too much adrenaline to feel the fear, until the knife. And then it was pain.

She remembers Elliot, and hearing him scream _Olivia oh god no_ and then the relief.

It hurt when he brushed her off with a _please don't try to help me out right now._ He meant it. And she thought _fuck you too._

But then panic overtook adrenaline and something unfamiliar screamed their way out of her eyes and streamed down her face. She wanted to kill. She wanted to hug, hold, fuck.

_If you think about me Rebecca is dead pull the trigger shoot him shoot him Olivia shoot him_ and she hated that she couldn't. She wanted to shout at him and hit him until he would just _shut the fuck up El_ because his voice in her ears made it harder to think straight.

_I made that choice with Ryan and it was wrong (Elliot) don't do it don't make that mistake (I would've done the same thing)._ And then suddenly there was no one else in the room but them. They spoke silently – their eyes on one another, never blinking, never moving. _I fucking love you_ before she whispered _I'm sorry_ and they were saved by the sniper.

She doesn't remember her heart that day. Her chest seemed to take over her body – it ached for him (but she was in denial).

Today is the day after _it was nobody's fault._

Rumours of _that Stabler getting into a pissing contest with the Fat Guy_ reaches her at Computer Crimes.

Standing in the doorway, she watches him put on a clean shirt – wishing he'd just leave it off and she thinks _Elliot Stabler shouldn't be allowed to wear shirts._ He feels her presence, and turns to her. He doesn't speak. His shirt is half unbuttoned. He walks towards her. Quickly.

_Shit_ she thinks when he grabs her around the waist, pulls her against him, and kisses her, hard.

She can't think straight – that tends to happen around him – all she can do is react so she snakes one arm around his neck and pulls him deeper into their kiss, while the other arm finds its way under his shirt, holding his waist.

She can hardly breathe, so they stop for breath.

_Liv I-_ but she pulls him back to her, crashing her tongue against his, _shut up_ she says against his mouth. His hands, still around her waist, pull her even closer to him.

It was at least a minute before he pulled away, and crossed the room. _Why didn't you tell me_ and then it was all about cliché's. He left her standing alone in the empty locker room.

Two weeks later she goes to his place. She's never been to his apartment before. When he lets her in the first thing she notices is that there's not much to notice. A lamp on a table by a sofa facing a television. The kitchen. A hallway leading to what she assumed was the bathroom and bedroom.

_Wanna beer?_ And she does so she accepts and sits on the sofa, suddenly aware that there are no other chairs in the room – and that he'll have to sit next to her. She considers standing again, but by then the beer's already in her hand and his thigh is against hers.

_Fucking small sofa_ she thinks.

They don't talk much. Each too preoccupied with their thoughts.

Eventually he takes the beer out of her hand and faces her. She's nervous. Really nervous. And she knows he is too.

_I kissed her_ he says and at first she's like _who? What?_ But then it sinks in, and remembers Kathy that day _the looker_ and suddenly she's pissed. And shocked.

Dani? She just needs to make sure. _Yeah._ And she wants to kill him.

Words like _how could you_ and _what about me_ fly through her mind but all that makes it out is _when?_ And it takes him a while to reply, which pisses her off even more. _Two days ago._

They sit in silence for ten minutes.

_I'm sorry_ he says. Suddenly she's defensive _you don't need to apologise to me Elliot, you don't owe me anything._ And then it's silence again.

Eventually she stands, _what about me_ flies out several decibels higher than it was meant to. And she doesn't even bother hiding the tears and the hurt and the fear that what they might have had will never happen. _I thought _she tries but she can't and he realises so he stands and wraps his arms around her. She hits him and tries to break free but he's too strong so she gives in.

_I wished it was you _he whispers and her heart breaks. She breathes him in, her arms pressed between their bodies, and she pulls back slightly so she can see his face. He has tears in his eyes.

She kisses him. Softly. Her lips hugging his bottom lip, his hugging her top.

She's leaving again in the morning, this time for Philadelphia. She doesn't tell him, even when they're lying in bed for the first time. She relaxes into him, his arms wrapped around her, he breathes into her neck. She misses him. He's right there and she needs more of him. He kisses her and she knows - he loves her.

When she kisses him back, she knows - she can't leave.

**THE END**


End file.
